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Episode 183:
Retiring Together
I remember
deciding to
retire and told my wife not to worry. I would always drop her a card
from
exotic destinations all over the world. She didn’t see the humor.
She knew that
there might be a chance that I would do that very thing. The day I
retired -
she retired. Twenty-three years have passed and we are still retired
and still
married.
This is Retirement Talk. I’m Del Lowery. Today’s program is entitled: “Retiring Together”.
Retiring
brings lots of
challenges and changes to living. Learning to be together with your
spouse or
partner 24/7 is not the least of them. I’ve heard horror stories:
Man won’t do
any of the house work. Man spends all of
his time on the golf course. Man spends all day sitting in front of the
TV or being
underfoot around the house. When I ask my wife for comment for this
program,
she never mentioned any of those. Perhaps that is why we are still
married.
We each found
things to
fill up our hours without interfering with each other. In the mornings
we each
went to our personal stations. Brenda slept later than I. Still does.
We eat
breakfast alone. Then she focused on watercolor in her studio. I
practiceThai
Chi, walk in the garden, and then play the guitar for at least two
hours.
Except for
the guitar,
there is no sound in our house until after noon: nothing electric; no
radio, no
TV, no music – other than the guitar. I always ask her if
the music
bothered her, but she has always claims that she rarely hears it. I
guess she
is focused and my music is just meaningless background. A little side
note here
about the lack of electronic stuff coming into the house before noon.
We have
found it very refreshing to save all political chicanery, airplane
crashes,
murders, fires, crashes, and wars for later in the day -usually
presented to us
in the print media. I could never figure out why people listen to the
news in
the morning. It seems like such a bad way to start a day.
At 11
o’clock we join
together to get our exercise. She and I see this as a real plus in
retiring at
the same time. It is easier to keep to a regimented exercise program if
you
have someone to do it with. Depending on the time of year, we ski, play
racket
ball, run, ride our bicycles, lift weights, or just go for a fast walk.
What
exercises we do have varied over the years but not much. We are to
lunchtime
without getting each other’s way. It has worked this way for 23
years – and still
counting.
In the
afternoons we
again pursue our own particular interests, whatever that might be, or
we might
join together in some project around the house or in the community. We
might
work on a woodworking project: build a greenhouse, a table, a deck, or
an
addition to our house. She might go shopping or run errands. I might
work at
the computer or write.
Late
afternoons always
see us coming together again for coffee. We are regular customers at
the local
coffee shops. We know the baristas by name and they know our drinks.
This is
not as simple as it seems, since we rotate between four different
coffee shops:
one in
Just because
you retire
at the same time doesn’t mean you can’t do things your
spouse doesn’t do. We
have each taken different classes and workshops and explored various
aspects of
painting or music. Sometimes we have traveled separately and certainly
spent
our time having lunch with friends when the other is banned.
One thing
retiring at
the same time has fostered is our freedom to work together on projects.
We have
sometimes worked individually on some political campaign, human rights
effort,
or community issue. At other times we have enjoyed working together on
these.
It is great to have the same time and interests to combine efforts.
I think we
have grown
closer since retirement. We are more sensitive to each other’s
needs to run off
and be alone, or to just sit quietly. We are more sensitive to
criticizing each
other. After 44 years together, retirement has been our closest years.
Perhaps
we are more comfortable with our own egos. We are more assured of our
place in
universe and we are more aware of the importance of each of us to each
other.
It seems to
me like
retirement is not a time when one person has to get in the way of the
other.
Perhaps that is more of a modern myth. Our experience has been that of
a time
of coming together even more than one could ever imagine. Each person
is freer
than ever before and stronger because of the other person’s close
presence. You
gain strength from each other and thus a new dimension is added to each.
I realize
this may not
be the case for everyone. Perhaps your experience has been different.
If so,
drop me a line at retirementtalk.org and I may read your letter on a
program.
It will be good for all of us to hear different approaches, different
practices, and the unique circumstances that may have led to various
results.
This is
Retirement
Talk.
A resource from a listener: Best Free Online Degrees for Seniors guide is designed to assist seniors who aspire to enhance their intellect or consider starting a new career path. It features an overview of the top online degrees for seniors, emphasizing their numerous advantages, and a broad range of subjects to choose from. A friend's website: Terra Firma Designs: Fine Furniture, Stained Glass and woodworking workshops. Copyright 2010 RetirementTalk.org |
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