Retirement Talk
WHAT to do with the rest of your life? |
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Episode
92 Suicide
My
aunt was in
her early seventies when she climbed into the chest freezer and pulled
the door
shut. They found her two days later. No one thought to look in the
freezer.
Family, friends, and law officers had searched the farm and scoured the
area
with no success. She had deceived everyone. No one suspected suicide.
This was
a few decades ago. People weren’t as attuned to depression as
we are today. In
retrospect, one might guess that she could have been severely
depressed; a
Midwestern farm wife; living out on a farm, children were grown and
gone,
little social contact. Her husband was morose and withdrawn. She was
running on
empty.
This
is
Retirement
Talk.
In
a discussion
with friends this topic popped up a few days ago. One friend asked if
we knew; “What
group of people in the
US
commit the most suicides” The correct answer; white males
over eighty. “Why do
people think that is a negative thing?” responded another
friend – a white
male, over eighty. He went on to say that it only makes sense that many
people
when they get that old, and perhaps have sever health problems take
their own
life. There was no argument. However, no had guessed that age group. My
guess
had been the eighteen to twenty-three year olds. Now that I think about
it –
that seems like a pretty poor guess. The correct answer was my second
guess.
‘Death
with
Dignity’ signs have become popular in our state this past
year. There is a
movement to make it legal to take one’s own life with medical
assistance if one
chooses. Of course, there are specific safeguards attached to the
initiative.
The vote will be in the fall.
Suicide
is a
tough topic. We don’t like to accept death, let alone rush
it. The idea of
taking our own life is so very complicated. It is especially difficult
for
those close and yet left behind. I can’t imagine what it must
be like.
I
had a friend
in college, who eventually became a pretty famous writer in
America
,
whose
son committed suicide when just a teen. My friend went into deep
depression for
two years. No one ever saw him. The unbearable pain is understandable.
A
teacher with
whom I taught in
Alaska
walked off into a snow storm one day. She was a romantic. She taught
poetry.
She read books. She was polite, kind and unmarried. One summer we saw
her
walking down a narrow country road in
Wales
.
We were riding a bus in the
other direction to descend into a deep coal mine. We had been biking in
Ireland
and
Wales
.
She had told me she would
also be in
Wales
that summer; visiting famous welsh writers homes. “Little
chance our paths
would cross, but…”; there she was serenely
strolling along a country road in
that mountainous region.
She
developed
some sort of arthritic condition. One
fall day she came to school in a wheel chair. I went to her room and
she came
out into the hall to tell me about it and weep just a bit. A few days
later,
she failed to come to work. Understandable. Then a few more days passed
and the
police were called to check her condo. Everything was in its place. The
condo
was immaculate. The bills were all paid. The utilities had been
stopped. There
was no note. There was no car in the garage and no sign of violence. A
search began.
They
found her up
in
Hatcher
Pass
about sixty miles north of
Anchorage
.
She had driven up into this gorgeous, rugged, remote area of mountains
and
tundra. She had intentionally driven off the road into a falling snow.
Leaving
her coat in the car, she got out and walked off across the tundra into
the early
winter storm. She left a trail of clothing as she walked. I’m
told that as one
get colder a feeling of warmth envelopes the body. They found her
unclothed.
She had evidently laid down in the snowy silence and died. Her life
ended as
one could only imagine in a novel. Sad, but in a way, fitting.
Another
friend
in
Alaska
ended his life with the information provided by the Hemlock Society. He
developed a tumor on the brain that was inoperable at age 81.
Doctor’s gave him
a very limited time to live. He called all of his children and they
came to
Alaska
for a final
goodbye.
They
all
gathered for a few days and talked. He explained his condition and his
decision
to end his own life. He visited the hardware store and obtained a piece
of
plastic, duct tape, a bottle of – I think – nitrous
oxide – and a short hose.
He then set up two video cameras in his bed room to video the entire
procedure.
He did this to protect his children and wife from the law. He wanted a
record
of the fact that he was doing this on his own. He bid everyone good bye
and
asked them to leave and not to return for a half hour or so. The grown
children
went to the car; sat for a while; then went to a bookstore/coffee shop.
When
they returned he was dead and the video cameras had shut down. The
police filed
no charges. His ashes were spread in the Chugach Mountains that rise
above
Anchorage
,
It was his
favorite place to ramble.
Suicide
diminishes us all just as John Donne expressed in his famous line;
“all men’s
death diminishes me, for I am involved in mankind.” Perhaps
it isn’t the suicidal aspect of the
death, but death itself that we find so unfair. My experience is
limited. I’m
sure the suicide of a close friend or one’s immediate family
must be especially
difficult and deliver a unique understanding.
This is
Retirement Talk.
A resource from a listener: Best Free Online Degrees for Seniors guide is designed to assist seniors who aspire to enhance their intellect or consider starting a new career path. It features an overview of the top online degrees for seniors, emphasizing their numerous advantages, and a broad range of subjects to choose from.
A friend's website: Terra Firma Designs: Fine Furniture, Stained Glass and woodworking workshops.
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