Retirement Talk
WHAT to do with the rest of your life? |
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Episode 084 Being Prepared – for Death
A couple of years ago a young high school senior got out of
a car on
Grandville Street
in downtown
Vancouver
.
It was in the spring; April or May. He had decided to join a different group of
friends. He was riding in the back seat on the driver’s side. They were in the
right lane. Grandville is a one way street downtown and when he exited the door
a city bus slammed right into him.. He had been a star athlete and a superior
scholar. His future was bright and lying directly ahead; all over in an
instant. He didn’t have time to prepare.
This is retirement talk. I’m Del Lowery.
When things like that happen, it gives us all pause for
thought. That’s not the way it is suppose to be. That’s not the way it is with
most of us. Most of us have time to consider dying, especially we retired
people. We have managed to the retirement phase of life. We have seen some of
our friends die. We have read about others like the young man described above
who died much too soon. Many of us have seen our parents through their last
days. We know that death awaits. Why is it then that we hesitate or refuse to
plan for this definite moment?
Just this past week a good friend of mine called to inform
us that he was headed to a convalescent center. He had experienced a very
painful night and could no longer manage at home. He takes many drugs to
alleviate pain. One of them is morphine. He has advanced to the stage where he
must carry a morphine pump. He gets a steady dose. The drug also plays with his
mind. He needs assistance.
He has mesolethioma – asbestosis. He was given six months to
live two years ago. Hospice has been a weekly companion ever since. The nurse
has become a “friend” in a way. The six month time frame has stretched, but not
broken. It has been a continual decline. His life has changed ever so slowly.
He continued to go to the gym – he lifted lighter weights and did fewer
routines. He still went for walks; slower and shorter. He sat in front of a
coffee shop and read. The rest of his life was spent in his small, darkened,
silent apartment. This is as it has been for many years. Even though given this
death sentence two years past, he continued in his normal routine for the most
part.
After his diagnosis, I asked if he had prepared his affairs:
a will, a power of attorney, a health directive concerning end of life medical
treatment, etc. “Not yet” came the same reply over the entire two years. After
inquiring and encouraging that this be done periodically, I gave up. He just
didn’t prepare. And I’ll tell you, my friend has always been well prepared for
whatever might happen next. That is why he led such a regimented life; and low
key. He has never liked change and he has never liked surprises.
Yesterday we took him back to his apartment to pick up a few
things. He told us that a couple of nights ago he would have ended it all if he
could have. He described facing the wall and rubbing his hands and face against
it just to get some physical contact - a sad story. He had no way to take his
own life, but he had sought it that particular night. Later the same night he
told me he had prepared a will, a health directive, and an end of life request.
It was on his computer; unsigned and thus invalid. The following day we had him
sign all the papers. It was the last day he was capable of doing such a thing.
Now he lies in a convalescent center. The smell of urine and
excrement met us as we turned down the hall to find his room. He shares the
dimly lit room with another man. The beds are narrow and minimal. There is one
chair next to the bed. The closets are small enough that one can’t even think
of bringing much with you. He is on a five day trial period. That’s what the
hospice nurse called it. After that they will reconsider. If the pain abates;
if it doesn’t…
We don’t know how to die. It is something that is left out
of our education, our culture, and our technological world. We have a ‘can do’
attitude about everything. We have coined all sorts of clichés to cement this
attitude into our very soul. Though one sits on the brink of death, it is a
taboo subject. “Something may happen. Sometimes miracles happen.” We refuse to
face the abyss. We even have organizations to help us with this end of life: Hospice
and Death with Dignity groups, and of course, organized religion.
My mind goes to considering death as I understand it in Ancient
Rome. Death was not something to be feared. Death just happened. The soldier
would fall on his sword rather than be humiliated in defeat. Life for most of us,
including my friend, can be very bad as we near the end. There are many ways to
die that might be better.
We all have on own thoughts on this topic. The difficulty
seems to be in sharing them. We rarely talk about it. We rarely think about it.
We rarely face it. I guess 'good ol’ American know-how' can solve lots of
problems, but, on this one, we always fall far short.
This is retirement talk.
A resource from a listener: Best Free Online Degrees for Seniors guide is designed to assist seniors who aspire to enhance their intellect or consider starting a new career path. It features an overview of the top online degrees for seniors, emphasizing their numerous advantages, and a broad range of subjects to choose from.
A friend's website: Terra Firma Designs: Fine Furniture, Stained Glass and woodworking workshops.
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